Friday, August 31, 2007

Duck Hunting Doctors

Five doctors went duck hunting one day. Included in the group were a general practitioner, a pediatrician, a psychiatrist, a surgeon and a pathologist. After a time, a bird came winging overhead. The first to react was the general practitioner who raised his shotgun, but then hesitated.

"I'm not quite sure it's a duck," he said, "I think that I will have to get a second opinion." And of course by that time, the bird was long gone.

Another bird appeared in the sky soon thereafter. This time, the pediatrician drew a bead on it. He too, however, was unsure if it was really a duck in his sights and besides, it might have babies. "I'll have to do some more investigations," he muttered, as the creature made good its escape.

Next to spy a bird flying was the sharp-eyed psychiatrist. Shotgun shouldered, he was more certain of his intended prey's identity. "Now, I know it's a duck, but does it know it's a duck?" The fortunate bird disappeared while the fellow wrestled with this dilemma.

Finally, a fourth fowl sped past and this time the surgeon's weapon pointed skywards and he fired without hesitation. BOOM!! The surgeon lowered his smoking gun and turned nonchalantly to the pathologist beside him: "Go see if that was a duck, will you?"

Circus Duck

A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of lager and a ham sandwich. The landlord looks at him and says, "But you're a duck!"

"Your eyes work", replies the duck, wryly.

"And you talk!" exclaims the landlord.

"And your ears", says the duck. "Now can I have my beer and my sandwich please?".

"Certainly", says the landlord, "sorry about that... it's just we don't get many ducks in this pub. What are you doing round this way?".

"I'm working on the building site across the road", explains the duck.

The landlord watches, astounded, as the duck drinks his beer, eats his sandwich and leaves.

The duck visits regularly for 2 weeks. Then one day the circus comes to town.

The owner of the circus comes into the pub and the landlord says to him, "You're with the circus aren't you?, I know this duck that would be just brilliant in your circus - he talks, drinks beer and everything!".

"Sounds marvelous", says the owner, "get him to give me a call".

So the next day when the duck comes into the pub the landlord says,
"Hey Mr. Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really good money!".

"Yeah?", says the duck, "Sounds great, where is it?".

"At the circus", says the landlord.

"The circus?", the duck inquires, a bit bemused.

"That's right", replies the landlord.

"What, the place with the big tent?. Big canvas roof, hole in the middle, loads of animals?", asks the duck.

"That's right!", says the landlord.

The duck looks confused. "Why would they want a bricklayer?"

Three Kicks For a Duck

A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural Tennessee. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence to collect the bird, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.

The lawyer replied, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field. Now I'm going in to retrieve it."

The old farmer looked the lawyer in the eyes and stated firmly, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here."

The lawyer huffed angrily, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the country. If you don't let me get my duck, I'll sue you."

The old farmer smiled. "Apparently, you don't know how we do things in Tennessee. We settle small disagreements like this with the Tennessee Three Kick Rule."

The lawyer asked, "What's the Tennessee Three Kick Rule?"

The Farmer answered, "Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth, until someone gives up."

The attorney thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.

The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the lawyer. His first kick to the shin had the lawyer hopping around on one foot when suddenly the farmer planted the toe of his heavy work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees. The attorney was flat on his belly when the farmer's third kick to a kidney nearly caused him to pass out.

The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet and said, "Okay, you old coot, now it's my turn."

The old farmer smiled and said, "Naw, I give up. You can have the duck.

Pigs and Ducks

A woman walks into a bar and the bartender says "Hey where'd you get the pig?"

The women says "This isn't a pig it's a duck"

The bartender says "No, I was talking to the duck!"

Three Kicks For a Duck

A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural Tennessee. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence to collect the bird, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.

The lawyer replied, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field. Now I'm going in to retrieve it."

The old farmer looked the lawyer in the eyes and stated firmly, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here."

The lawyer huffed angrily, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the country. If you don't let me get my duck, I'll sue you."

The old farmer smiled. "Apparently, you don't know how we do things in Tennessee. We settle small disagreements like this with the Tennessee Three Kick Rule."

The lawyer asked, "What's the Tennessee Three Kick Rule?"

The Farmer answered, "Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth, until someone gives up."

The attorney thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.

The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the lawyer. His first kick to the shin had the lawyer hopping around on one foot when suddenly the farmer planted the toe of his heavy work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees. The attorney was flat on his belly when the farmer's third kick to a kidney nearly caused him to pass out.

The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet and said, "Okay, you old coot, now it's my turn."

The old farmer smiled and said, "Naw, I give up. You can have the duck.

Ducks To Go

A man is driving a pick-up truck down the road with a bunch of ducks standing in the back. A police officer pulls over the driver, informs him that he is speeding and then asks him where he's going with all those ducks. The driver says that he doesn't know what to do with them anymore. The officer says, "Look, there's a zoo not far from here and that's where you should take them." The man thanks the officer and drives off with his ducks.

The next day the officer again sees the same pick-up truck barreling down the road. This time, though, all the ducks in the back are wearing sunglasses. The officer pulls the driver over and says, "I thought I told you to take those ducks to the zoo!" "I did," said the driver, "but now they want to go to the beach!"

Got Any Duck Food?

A duck walks into a store and asks, "Got any duck food?"

The clerk replies, "No, I'm sorry, but this is a book store."

The next day the duck walks into the same store and asks, "Got any duck food?"

"No, I told you yesterday - this is a book store."

The next day the duck walks into the same store and asks, "Got any duck food?"

"What's the matter with you? I told you No twice already - if you ask me one more time I'll nail your little flat feet to the floor!"

The third day the duck walks into the same store and asks,"Got any nails?"

"Nails? Of course not! This is a book store."

"Good. Got any duck food?"

Evolution at Work

Why do ducks have flat feet?

From stomping out forest fires.

Why do elephants have flat feet?

From stomping out flaming ducks.

Dead Duck

A woman brought a very limp duck to the veterinarian's office. As she lay her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm so sorry, your pet duck Cuddles has passed away."

The distressed owner wailed, "Are you sure?"

"Yes, I am sure. The duck is dead," he replied.

"How can you be so sure," she protested. "I mean, you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."

The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room, and returned a few moments later with a black Labrador Retriever.

As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.

The vet patted the lab and led it out of the exam room. He returned a few moments later with a cat.

The cat jumped up on the table and also sniffed delicately at the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.

The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."

Then the vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman.

The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. She screamed, "$150.00!" "$150 just to tell me my duck is dead!"

The vet shrugged. "I'm sorry. If you'd taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20, but with the lab report and the cat scan, it's now $150.00."

Ducks in Heaven

Ducks in Heaven


Three women die together in an accident and go to Heaven. When they get there, St Peter says, "We only have one rule here in Heaven: don't step on the ducks."

They enter Heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.

Along comes St Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. St Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man."

The next day, the second woman steps accidentally on a duck, and along comes St Peter, who doesn't miss a thing, and with him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.

The third woman has observed all this and not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps. She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on. He is tall, tanned, slim and muscular.

St Peter chains them together without saying a word.

The woman, thinking that this is great, remarks, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity."

The guy says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck."

Thursday, June 14, 2007

Sunday, May 27, 2007

BollyWood Software

SHOLAY

Kitne bugs the , Sambha ??



Chal Dhanno !!! Aaj Basanti ke appraisal ka sawaal hai !!



Hum angrezo ke zamane ke tester hain !!!



Ye software nahin, phasi ka phanda hain , developer…!!!



Jo jaldi gaya..samjho mar gaya!!



Gabbar se keh do…..Ramgad walon ne software develop karna band kar diya hai……………..



Release kab hai….kab hai release ?? << Holi >>



Yeh chutti hamein de de PM……….nay nay……..



Sambha, Kitna PM, PL rakkha hai re HR hamare upar ??



Door kisi cubicle mein jab developer bura code likhta hai toh PL kehta hai : Bete code sudhar , nahi to tester aa jayega….:)

Aur tum 3….. Gabbar ka software hack kar ke aa gaye……….



Tumhara designation kya hai , software engineer ?



Testers se keh do….wo 2 bugs log karenge toh hum 4 fix karenge……



3 developer aur module 6………buhut nainsafi hai !!!



Sardar , maineaapka module develop kiya hai........

Ab test kar…………..:)



Ke, yoonke, dekhne wali baat toh yeh hai, mujhe increment kab milega …….?

DEEWAR

Aaj tak mainetumse kucch nahi maanga…lekin aaj maangta hoon…….mujhe us babe ke cubicle mein shift kara de………



Bug mil gaya, bhaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii !!



PM to floor cleaning guy : Mere pas bangla hai, gaadi hai, paisa hai , laptop hai , Nokia blackberry hai, mera apna cabin hai, tumhare pass kya hai ……?

Cleaning guy : Mere pastime hai. ( best one)



Abdul chacha , Yeh hai cubicle number 786……………….



Pehle un logon ke dastakhat leke aao jinhenone mere haat pe ye likh diya : Mera software bore hai !



Dawar sahab, main aaj bhi pheke hue pen drive nahi uthata……………………



PM, tum mujhe conference room mein dhoond rahe ho aur mein tumhara yahan cubicle mein intezar kar raha hoon……!



DON



Don on bench hai to kya hua……..fir bhi Don hai…………



Don ko jungli software pasand hai….khatarnak aur bugs se bhara hua………….



“tumne ise kyon mara, don ?

“ mujhe iske software ka GUI pasand nahi aaya ! ”



“DSP sahab is bag ke andar itne CDs hai ki aapne puri zindagi mein nahi dekhi hongi…………



Arre CEO… mujhe pehechano…………



Don ka intazar tou 11 companies ke HR kar rahe hai.... par EK baat samaj lo DON ko retain karna muskil hi nahi namumkin hai.....



Kisibhi company ki diware itni majboot nahi jo DON ko retain kar sake....



DON ko woh company bilkul pasand nahi hai jo kaam karaye

AUR

Doosri jo paise kam de....



DON ko do type ki companies bilkul pasand nahin



EK jo Recruit karne main bhaut der kare

Aur Doosri wo jo Fauran (Immediate) Recruit kar le.



DON ke PM ki sabse badi galti ye hai .. ki woh DON ka PM hai...!!!!!

२०१९ सालचा क्रिकेट र्वल्ड कप वृत्तांत

आशिया पॅसिफिक विभागातला अफगाणिस्तानबरोबरचा पात्रता फेरीतला सामना भारताने गमावला. पण, कोच सेहवाग निश्चिंत आहेत. ते म्हणतात की कप्तान तेंडुलकर आणि निवड समिती त्यांच्या पाठिशी भक्कम आहे. आणि दोनच वर्षांपूर्वी भारताने पापुआ न्यू गिनीवर विजय मिळवलेला असल्याने संघाचे मनोधैर्य उंचावले आहे.

न्यूझीलंड संघाचे कोच दविड म्हणाले की आतातरी तेंडुलकरने निवृत्त होऊन आपल्या मुलाला खेळण्याची संधी द्यायला हवी. महेंदसिंग ढोणीने सर्वाधिक वेळा शून्यावर बाद होण्याचा अजित आगरकरचा विक्रम मोडीत काढला आहे. बॉलिवुडमधील प्रख्यात अभिनेता ब्रेट ली याने ढोणीला अभिनयाकडे वळण्याचा सल्ला दिला आहे.

पंतप्रधान राहुल गांधी यांनी भारतीय क्रिकेटला गतेर्तून बाहेर काढण्यासाठी उच्चस्तरीय समिती नेमली आहे. युवराज सिंग, व्हीव्हीएस लक्ष्मण, मोहम्मद कैफ, कुंबळे या माजी क्रिकेटपटूंना पुन्हा बोलावण्याचा विचार सुरू असल्याचे समजते. आपल्याला 'माजी' खेळाडूंमध्ये गणल्याबद्दल लक्ष्मणने तीव्र नाराजी व्यक्त केली आहे. तो म्हणाला, ''माझ्या क्षेत्ररक्षणात झालेली सुधारणा लक्षात घेता २०२३ सालचा ब्राझीलमध्ये होणारा र्वल्ड कप खेळण्यासाठीही मी सज्ज आहे!!!

शादी डॉट कॉम

'' डॉक्टर मला दीर्घायुष्य हवं आहे. खूप खूप जगायचं आहे. मी काय करू?''
'' लग्न करा.''

'' लग्नामुळे आयुष्य वाढेल?''
'' नाही. पण, खूप खूप जगायची इच्छाही पुन्हा होणार नाही!!!''

'' डालिर्ंग, आज आपल्या लग्नाचा वाढदिवस आहे. काय करायचं आपण?'' बायकोनं विचारलं.
नवरा उत्तरला, ''दोन मिनिटे उभे राहून शांतता पाळूयात!!!''

हा देव तरी असा कसा आहे, काही कळत नाही. तो इतक्या सुंदर मुली तयार करतो आणि नंतर त्यांचं 'बायको'त रूपांतर करतो!!!

तुमचे लग्न झाले असेल, तर हे वाक्य वाचू नका...
... इतर सर्वांना स्वातंत्र्यदिनाच्या शुभेच्छा!!!

hsa

मन्या बाबांना म्हणाला, ''बाबा बाबा, मला सर्कस दाखवा ना!''

बाबा म्हणाले, ''मला श्वास घ्यायला फुरसत नाहीये रे मन्या!''

'' असं हो काय करता बाबा? मी ऐकलंय त्या सर्कशीत एक तरुण मुलगी अंगावर एकही कपडा न घालता एका चित्त्याच्या पिंजऱ्यात शिरते आणि चित्त्याला जेवण भरवते!''

'' काय सांगतोस?'' बाबा टुणकन् उडालेच, ''अरे मग आज संध्याकाळीच जाऊ सर्कस बघायला. मी बरेच दिवसांत चित्ता नाही बघितलेला!!!!''

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विचित्र विश्व

१. बायबलमध्ये उल्लेख असलेला एकमात्र घरगुती पाळीव प्राणी म्हणजे मांजर.

२. मायकेल जॉर्डनला 'नाइके' कंपनीबरोबर केलेल्या करारातून मिळणारे वाषिर्क उत्पन्न हे 'नाइके'च्या मलेशियातील सर्व कारखान्यांमधील कर्मचाऱ्यांच्या एकत्रित वाषिर्क उत्पन्नापेक्षा जास्त होते.

हँसा

मन्या बाबांना म्हणाला, ''बाबा बाबा, मला सर्कस दाखवा ना!''

बाबा म्हणाले, ''मला श्वास घ्यायला फुरसत नाहीये रे मन्या!''

'' असं हो काय करता बाबा? मी ऐकलंय त्या सर्कशीत एक तरुण मुलगी अंगावर एकही कपडा न घालता एका चित्त्याच्या पिंजऱ्यात शिरते आणि चित्त्याला जेवण भरवते!''

'' काय सांगतोस?'' बाबा टुणकन् उडालेच, ''अरे मग आज संध्याकाळीच जाऊ सर्कस बघायला. मी बरेच दिवसांत चित्ता नाही बघितलेला!!!!''

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विचित्र विश्व

१. बायबलमध्ये उल्लेख असलेला एकमात्र घरगुती पाळीव प्राणी म्हणजे मांजर.

२. मायकेल जॉर्डनला 'नाइके' कंपनीबरोबर केलेल्या करारातून मिळणारे वाषिर्क उत्पन्न हे 'नाइके'च्या मलेशियातील सर्व कारखान्यांमधील कर्मचाऱ्यांच्या एकत्रित वाषिर्क उत्पन्नापेक्षा जास्त होते.

Monday, May 14, 2007


हसा

' नन्या,' बाबांनी हाक मारली, 'काल रात्री या टेबलवर दोन चॉकलेटं होती. आता एक आहे. हे कसं काय झालं?'

' रात्रीच्या अंधारात मला दुसरं चॉकलेट दिसलं नसणार!!!'

...........................................................

' मिस्टर बावळे,' रागिणी टीचर बंडूच्या बाबांना म्हणाल्या, 'आज मी तुमच्या मुलाला वर्गात प्रश्न विचारला की शाहिस्तेखानाचा वध कुणी केला? तर त्यानं काय उत्तर दिलं माहितीये... तो म्हणाला, मी नाही केला मॅम!'

' असं आहे टीचर,' बंडूचे बाबा मवाळ आवाजात म्हणाले, 'माझा मुलगा जरा ढ असेल, पण खोटारडा नाही. तो म्हणतो, त्यानं नाही केला, तर त्यानं नसेल केला, माझी खात्री आहे.'

रागिणी टीचरनी कपाळावर हात मारून घेतला...

... घराकडे परतताना बंडूच्या बाबांनी बंडूला हळूच विचारलं, 'बंड्या, मला खरं खरं सांग. तू नक्की नाही केलेला ना शाहिस्तेखानाचा वध?!!'

पीनेवाले को.............

( दारू पिणारी माणसे नेहमी 'पिणे कसे योग्य' हे सिद्ध करू पाहतात. त्यासाठी बहाणे शोधतात. काही मान्यवरांचे हे बहाणे आणि मद्यपानाबद्दलचा धोक्याचा इशारा)

'' कधीकधी मी किती प्रचंड वाइन पितो, या विचारानं मला शरम वाटते. मग मी ग्लासात डोकावतो आणि व्हिनयार्ड्समधल्या कामगारांचा, त्यांच्या स्वप्नांचा विचार करतो. मी ही वाइन प्यायलो नाही, तर त्यांना कामावरून काढले जाईल आणि त्यांच्या स्वप्नांचा चक्काचूर होऊन जाईल. मग मी स्वत:ला सांगतो, मी ही वाइन पिऊन त्यांची स्वप्ने प्रत्यक्षात उतरवण्यास साह्य करणे हे माझ्या लिव्हरची काळजी करण्यासारख्या स्वाथीर् विचारापेक्षा कितीतरी चांगले आहे.

- जॅक हँडी

धोक्याचा इशारा : दारू प्यायल्यानंतर आपण खूप ताकदवान, स्मार्ट, चपळ आणि देखणे असल्यासारखे वाटू लागते. प्रत्यक्षात तुम्ही एखाद्या सुजलेल्या भोपळ्यासारखे सुजट, आणि अनिल धवनइतके मठ्ठ दिसता आणि स्वत:च्या पायावर सरळ उभे राहण्याइतकीही ताकद तुमच्यात नसते.

पुन्हा पुणेरी पाट्या

१. भाड्याने दिल्या जाणाऱ्या गाडीमध्ये :
विशेष सूचना : गाडीमध्ये गुटखा, गोवा खाऊन बसू नये व खाऊ नये.

२. घराच्या दाराजवळची पाटी :
श्री. अनिल अनंत राजमाचीकर व कुटुंबीय यांच्याकडे येणाऱ्यांनी कृपया सदर बेलचा वापर करावा.

३. इमारतीच्या गेटसमोर :
अरे, मी गाढव आहे, गेटासमोर लावतोय गाडी.

नो पार्किंग!
४. घरावरची पाटी :

सदरील मिळकत १००५ सदाशिव पेठ विकणे नाही.
संपर्क : चंदकांत केले (मालक)

५. समारंभस्थळावरची पाटी :
अनोळखी वस्तू दिसल्यास स्पर्श करू नये. (व्यक्तींसह)

६.नारळाच्या झाडावरची पाटी :
या नारळाच्या झाडाखाली कोणीही उभे राहू नये वा गाडी लावू नये. नारळ पडून नुकसान झाल्यास मालक जबाबदार राहणार नाही.

आणखी पुणेरी पाट्या

. टेलिफोन बूथवरील सूचना : फोन न लागल्यास कृपया कॉइन्स परत करावीत.
२. इमारतीतल्या पार्किंगमधली पाटी : इतरांनी वाहने लावू नयेत. लावल्यास हवा सोडून दिली जाईल.
३. फाटकावरची पाटी : बिवेअर ऑफ फेरोशियस डॉग्ज अँड घोस्ट्स कुत्र्या आणि भुतांपासून सावध राहा.
४. येथे चोरी करणारा पकडला जातो. चोराने हे लक्षात ठेवावे.
५. हॉटेलवरची पाटी : आजचे ताजे पदार्थ- भजी, मिसळ मूळव्याधीचे औषध मिळेल.
६. थिएटरमधली पाटी : फुंके (सिगारेट), थुंके (तंबाखू) आणि शिंके (तपकीर) यांना रंगमंदिरात मज्जाव
७. चांदबिबी हॉटेल - दारू विक्री केली जात नाही. दारू पिऊ दिली जात नाही. दारू पिऊन आल्यास जेवण नाही

आजोबा

तो आणि ती एका कॉफीशॉपमध्ये ब्लाइंड डेटवर भेटले.
पण त्याला तिच्याबरोबर एक मिनिटही घालवणंही जड जात होतं. केमिस्ट्री जमत नव्हती. अशी वेळ आलीच तर सुटका व्हावी, म्हणून त्यानं एका मित्राला मोबाइलवर फोन करायला सांगून ठेवलं होतं. अचानक त्याचा मोबाइल वाजला. 'एक्स्क्यूज मी!' म्हणून तो लांब गेला आणि अगदी पडेल चेहऱ्यानं तिच्यापाशी येऊन म्हणाला, ''व्हेरी सॉरी! पण, आत्ताच माझे आजोबा वारले आहेत.''

ती आनंदानं उसळून म्हणाली, ''थँक यू व्हेरी मच! तुझे वारले नसते तर माझ्या आजोबांना मरावं लागलं असतं!!!!

शब्द पुणेरी, अर्थ पुणेरी

मराठीतले काही शब्द पुण्यात फारच वेगळ्या अर्थाने उच्चारले जातात. अशा काही शब्दांची ही डिक्शनरी

१.यंत्रणा : जाडजूड मुलगी

२.दांडीयात्रा : ऑफिसला सलग बुट्ट्या

३.पेटणे : संतापणे

४.हुकलेला : मुद्दाच न कळालेला

५.चैतन्यकांडी : सिगारेट

६.चैतन्यचूर्ण : तंबाखू

७.चेपणे : पोट भरून दाबून जेवणे

बॅटरी : चष्मेवाला/ली
डब्बल बॅटरी : जाड भिंगांच्या चष्मेवाला/ली
डोळस : बॅटरी
पुडी : तंबाखू, गुटखा
पुडी सोडणे : थाप मारणे
खंबा : दारूची/बीयरची फुल बॉटल
पेताड : बेवडा
डोलकर : दारू पिऊन डोलणारा
सावरकर : 'डोलकरा'ला सावरणारा
वकार युनूस : दारू पिऊन ओकाऱ्या करणारा
भागवत : इकडून तिकडून उधाऱ्या करून नड भागवणारा
सोपान : गावरान गडी
सांडला : पडला
जिवात जीव येणे : गरोदर राहणे
फणस लावणे : नस्त्या कुशंका काढणे
आज बसायचे का? : आज दारूची मैफल जमवायची का?



८.कल्ला : धम्माल

९.बुंगाट : (वाहनासंदर्भात) अतिशय वेगाने

१०.गाडी : टू व्हीलर

११.टांगा पल्टी, घोडे फरार : दारू पिऊन आउट होणे

१२.थुक्का लावणे : फसवणे

१३.एलएलटीटी : लुकिंग लंडन, टॉकिंग टोकियो (तिरळा)

१४.कर्नल थापा : थापाड्या माणूस

१५.सत्संग : ओली पार्टी

Friday, May 11, 2007

FishPonds

>
>
>
> Arz kiya hai....
>
> Tumko dekha....tumko dekha...
>
> tumko dekha....to yeh khayal aaya ...
>
> paaglon ke stock mein naya maal aaya!
>
> ======================================
>
> The night is dark, the moon is high,
>
> I stop my car, u ask why?
>
> I come close to u, u feel shy,
>
> I tell u those three magical words....
>
> Hye La, Puncture!!!
>
> ======================================
>
> Tumsa koi dusara jameen par hua
>
> to rab se sikayat hogi....
>
> Ek to jehlla nahi jata
>
> dusra aa gaya to kya halat hogi!!!
>
> ======================================
> > >
> > > koi pathar se na maare mere dewaane ko........
> > >
> > > koi pathar se na maare mere dewaane ko........
> > >
> > > koi pathar se na maare mere dewaane ko........
> > >
> > > abe aage bhi to bol...............
> > >
> > > neuclear power ka jamaana hai, bomb se udaa do saale
> > >
> > > ko...................
> > >
> > > ======================================
> > >
> > tera chehra moti samaan ..
> > >
> > > tera chehra moti samaan...
> > >
> > > Moti hamare kutte ka naam!!
> > >
> > >
> >===========================================================
> > >
> > > Durakht ke paymane pe chilman E husn ka furkat se
> > >
> > > sharmana...
> > >
> > > Durakht ke paymane pe chilman E husn ka furkat se
> > >
> > > sharmana...
> > >
> > > Ye line samajh me aaye to mujhe zaroor batana!!
> > >
> > >
> >===========================================================
> > >
> > > tere dar pe sanam hazar baar aayenge,
> > >
> > > tere dar pe sanam hazar baar aayenge.....
> > >
> > > ghanti bajayenge aur bhaag jayenge !!
> > >
> > >
> >===========================================================
> > >
> > > Jis waqt khuda ne tumhe banaya hoga, ek saroor sa uske
> > >
> > > dil pe chaya hoga...pehle socha hoga tujhe jannat mein
> > >
> > > rakh lun..phir usse zoo ka khayal aaya hoga!!!
> > >
> > >
> >===========================================================
> > >
> > > Mere marne ke baad mere doston,
> > >
> > > yu aansoo na bahana,
> > >
> > > Agar meri yaad aaye to,
> > >
> > > sidhe upar chale aana!!
> > >
> > >
> >===========================================================
> > >
> > > Unki gali se guzre..ajeeb ittefaq tha
> > >
> > > Unki gali se guzre..ajeeb ittefaq tha
> > >
> > > Unho ne phool phenka..gamla bhi saath tha!!
> > >
> > >
> >===========================================================
> > >
> > > Kyon apni kabar khood-hi khod raha hai Galib...
> > >
> > > Kyon apni kabar khood-hi khod raha hai Galib...
> > >
> > > La, phawda mujhe de!!
> > >
> > >
> >===========================================================
> > >
> > > Tumko dekha to ek khyal aaya
> > >
> > > Tumko dekha to ek khyal aaya
> > >
> > > Tumhari saheli ko dekha to doosra khyal aaya!!
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > Na woh inkaar karti hai
> > >
> > > Na woh ikraar karti hai
> > >
> > > KAMBAKHT mere hi sapno mein aakar
> > >
> > > Mere dost se pyaar karti hai.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > Jab Jab gire Baadal, Teri Yaad aayi
> > >
> > > Jhoom ke barsa Saawan, Teri Yaad aayi
> > >
> > > Bheega main,lekin phir bhi teri Yaad aayi
> > >
> > > Kyon na aaye teri yaad? Tune jo chatri ab tak nahi
> > >
> > > lautai...
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > Bolaa dukaan-daar, ke kyaa chahiye tumhain
> > >
> > > Jo bhii kaho ge merii dukaan per wo paoge
> > >
> > > maine kahaa ke kutte ke khaane kaa cake hai
> > >
> > > bolaa yahiin pe khaaoge yaa leke jaaoge!!!!:?
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > Unki gali ke chakkar kaat kaat kar,
> > >
> > > Kutte bhi hamare yaar ho gaye,
> > >
> > > Wo to hamare ho na sake,
> > >
> > > Hum kutton ke sardar ho gaye...
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > haseen tum ho to bure hum bi nahi,
> > >
> > > mahalo mein tum ho to sadak par hum bhi nahi,
> > >
> > > pyar karke kehte ho shaadi shuda ho,
> > >
> > > kaan kholkar sunlo. kunware hum bhi nahi.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > Macchar ne jo kata... dil main mere junoon tha. Khujli
> > > hui itni... dil be sukoon tha.
> >> Pakada to chod diya yeh soch kar ki....
> > sale ki ragon main apna hi khoon tha!
> > >
> > > Aaj didar, kal yaar, parso pyar, phir ekrar, aur
> >phir-intzar, phir-takrar, phir-darar,
> >>saari mehnat-bekar, aur akhir mein-Ek aur
> >devdas at beer bar !
> >
> > Kya aakhe hai ,kya chehra hai,kya rup tumne paaya hai.......
> > Kya aakhe hai ,kya chehra hai,kya rup tumne paaya hai.......
> > Kya aakhe hai ,kya chehra hai,kya rup tumne paaya hai.......
> >>Aisa lagta hai paagal khane se koi mareez bhagkar aaya hai....
>
> >>Bhagvaan ke yahaa se kuch Gadhe farar ho gaye....
> >> Bhagvaan ke yahaa se kuch Gadhe farar ho gaye....
> >>Kuch giraftar ho gaye,kuch giraftar ho gaye..
> >>Kuch hamare yaar ho gaye...
>
>
>
>

Friday, April 20, 2007

अमेरिका... अमेरिका!

अमेरिका... अमेरिका!

१.इथे तुमच्या घरी अॅम्ब्युलन्सपेक्षा वेळेत पिझा पोहोचतो.
२. इथे स्केटिंगच्या स्टेडियमबाहेर अपंगांसाठी विशेष पाकिर्ंग असतं.
३. इथे औषधांच्या दुकानात सिगारेटी मिळतात, त्याही पुढच्या काऊण्टरला... औषधांसाठी मात्र फेरी मारून दुकानाच्या मागच्या काऊण्टरला जावं लागतं.
३. इथे लोक चीजने तुडंुब भरलेले दोन चीजबर्गर आणि चरबीयुक्त फ्रेंच फ्राइजच्या लार्ज साइझ पाकिटाबरोबर 'डाएट' कोकची ऑर्डर देतात.
४. इथे बँकांची दोन्ही बाजूची दारं सताड उघडी असतात आणि तिथले पेनं मात्र साखळीने बांधून ठेवलेले असतात.
५. इथे लोक महागड्या गाड्या ड्राइव्हवेमध्ये ठेवतात आणि भंगार गॅरेजमध्ये!

प्रश्न

प्रश्न : 'गाइड' चित्रपटात वहिदा रहमान एकाच साडीत का वावरली आहे, तिने साडी का बदलली नाही?
उत्तर : कारण देव आनंद तिला एका गाण्यात म्हणतो,
ओ मेरे हमराही
मेरी बाँह थामे चलना
बदले दुनिया 'सारी'
तुम ना बदलना!!!!

*************************

मित्रा,
तुझ्या एसेमेस अकाऊंटचा नंबर काय?
तुझ्या सव्हिर्स प्रोव्हायडरकडे तक्रार करायची आहे...
काहीतरी प्रॉब्लेम आहे, त्या अकाऊंटमध्ये...
तुझ्याकडे एसेमेस जातो व्यवस्थित, पण तुझ्याकडून कधीच येत नाही!!!

*************************

आत्मविश्वास आणि अतिआत्मविश्वास यांत फरक काय?
आपण आपल्या गर्लफ्रेंडची पप्पी घेऊ शकतो, हा झाला आत्मविश्वास...
आणि फक्त आपणच आपल्या गर्लफ्रेंडची पप्पी घेऊ शकतो, हा झाला अतिआत्मविश्वास!!!!

देवावर श्ाद्धा ठेवा...

१. देवावर श्ाद्धा ठेवा...

पण, घराबाहेर पडताना लॅच-कुलूप सर्व लावा!!!

२. पृथ्वीवर जन्माला आल्याचा एक तरी फायदा आहेच...

दरवषीर् सूर्याभोवती फुकट चक्कर मारायला मिळते!!!

३. नेतृत्त्व करा, अनुयायी बना...

नाहीतर निदान रस्त्यातून बाजूला तरी व्हा!!!

४. प्रत्येक यशस्वी माणसामागे एक स्त्री असते...

आणि प्रत्येक अपयशी माणसामागे दोन असतात!!!

५. चोरी करू नका...

राजकारण्यांना स्पर्धा आवडत नाही!!!!

६. केवढं हे दुर्दैव! देश, जग, विश्व कसे चालवायचे, याचे प्रगाढ ज्ञान असलेली माणसे प्रत्यक्षात मात्र टॅक्सी चालवण्यात, केस कापण्यात बिझी असतात!!!!

अंग्रेजों के जमाने

अंग्रेजों के जमाने का जेलर संताच्या कोठडीत येऊन म्हणाला, ''संता, हा हा! उद्या पहाटे पाच वाजता तुला फाशी दिली जाईल, हा हा!

संता खो खो हसतच सुटला.

जेलर म्हणाला, ''संता, हा हा! असा वेड्यासारखा का हसतोयस?''

हसू दाबून संता म्हणाला, ''जेलरसाब! अहो, पहाटे पाचला फाशी कशी देणार तुम्ही मला? आठच्या आधी कधीच डोळा उघडत नाही माझा!!!

---------

जानी,

जिनके घर शीशे के होते हैं

वो...

वो टॉयलेट सिर्फ रातकोही जा सकते हैं!!!!

स्कॉच खरोखरच बेस्ट असते...

ती प्यायल्यावर प्रत्येक गोष्ट डबल दिसू लागते आणि पिणाऱ्याला आपण 'सिंगल'च असल्यासारखे छान वाटू लागते!!

देव महान आहे...

देव महान आहे...

तो भन्नाट वारा सोडून फाकडू पोरींचे स्कर्ट उडवतो...

आणि त्याच वाऱ्याने माती उडवून आशाळभूत पोरांचे डोळे मिटवतो!!!!

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जगातली सर्वात छोटी भयकथा

जगातला शेवटचा माणूस रात्री खोलीत एकटा असताना त्याच्या दरवाजावर ठक् ठक् झाली!!!!

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वसई पूवेर्च्या उर्मट रिक्षावाल्याला (द्विरूक्तीबद्दल क्षमस्व) संताने विचारले, ''एव्हरशाइन सिटीला येतोस का?''

रिक्षावाला म्हणाला, ''चाळीस रुपये होतील.''

संता म्हणाला, ''दहा रुपये देतो.''

रिक्षावाला म्हणाला, ''दहा रुपयात कोण नेईल?''

संता म्हणाला, ''मागे बस. मी नेतो!!!!''

दारूने नशा होते...

नशेने उत्साह वाढतो...

उत्साहात मेहनत वाढते...

मेहनतीने पैसा वाढतो...

पैशाने इज्जत वाढते...

म्हणजेच...

इज्जत कमावायची असेल, तर दारू पिणे आवश्यक आहे!!!!

काही कुविचार

काही कुविचार

१. यशाचा मार्ग... नेहमीच 'अंडर कन्स्ट्रक्शन' असतो!!

२. कर्ज मिळवायचे असेल, तर... तुम्हाला कर्जाची गरज नसण्याइतके तुम्ही मालदार आहात हे आधी कागदपत्रांनिशी सिद्ध करावे लागते!!!

३. आयुष्यात हव्याहव्याशा वाटणाऱ्या सर्व गोष्टी... एकतर बेकायदा असतात किंवा महागड्या असतात किंवा वजन वाढवणाऱ्या असतात!!!

४. झटपट श्ाीमंत होण्याची योजना प्रत्येकाकडे असते... ती कधीच यशस्वी होत नाही, हा भाग वेगळा!!!

५. ब्रेडच्या कोणत्या बाजूला लोणी लावावे... कोणत्याही बाजूला लावा हो! हातातून निसटून मातीत पडला, तर तो लोणी लावलेल्या बाजूवरच पडणार, हे नक्की!!!!

Joke

चतुर्थ श्ाेणी कर्मचाऱ्यांनी सरकारकडे पगार वाढवून मागितला. कामगारमंत्र्यांनी कामगारनेत्यांना विचारले, ''कशाला हवेत एवढे पैसे?''

कामगारनेते म्हणाले, ''आमच्या कर्मचाऱ्यांना लोक इज्जत देत नाहीत, नाकं मुरडतात.''

कामगारमंत्री म्हणाले, ''एवढंच ना! आपण सगळ्या पदांची नावं बदलू. कामगारांची इज्जत वाढेल.''

त्यांनी नावं बदलली

ती अशी...

माळी : लँडस्केप एक्झिक्युटिव्ह

कुत्र्यामांजरांना, घोड्यांना अन्न देणारा नोकर : पशु आहारतज्ज्ञ

मोलकरीण : कौटुंबिक स्वास्थ्य व्यवस्थापक

टायपिस्ट : छापील मजकूर अधिकारी

निरोप्या पोऱ्या : व्यावसायिक संपर्कसाधक

खिडक्या, काचा पुसणारा नोकर : पारदर्शक साधन तंत्रज्ञ

चहा, नाश्ता आणणाऱ्या पोऱ्या : खानपान पर्यवेक्षक

कचरा गोळा करणारा : सार्वजनिक स्वच्छता अधिकारी

वॉचमन : चोरीप्रतिबंधक टेहळणी अधिकारी

रिसेप्शनिस्ट : कार्यालयीन संपर्क अधिकारी

स्वयंपाकी : पाकसिद्धी अधिकारी

वरप्रतिज्ञा

सासुरवाडी माझा देश आहे।
-सासरे आणि त्यांचे सगेसोयरे हे माझे बांधव आहेत।
बायकोवर माझे प्रेम आहे।
घरातल्या विविधतेने नटलेल्या वस्तूंवर माझा डोळा आहे।
तिचया वडिलांचा घरजावई होण्याची पात्रता माझ्या अंगी यावी, यासाठी मी सदैव प्रयत्न करीन।
माझ्या सासू-सासऱ्यांचा मान राखीन आणि इतर सर्वांशी तुसडेपणाने वागेन.
अपल्या कृत्यांनी सासू-सासऱ्यांना काशीयात्रेला जाण्यास प्रेरित करीन, अशी प्रतिज्ञा मी करीत आहे।
माझी बायको व माझ्या मेव्हण्या यांच्यातच माझे सौख्य सामावलेले आहे. *******************


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बायाकोलोजी

पुरुषाला एखादे काम जमत नसेल, तर स्त्री वैतागून म्हणते, 'राहू देत, मीच करीन ते स्वत:!' पुरूष आज्ञेचं पालन करतो आणि ते काम थांबवतो। या आज्ञापालनानंतर स्त्री मात्र जामच भडकते. आपण तिचं ऐकलं, तरी ती का भडकलीये, हे पुरुषाला कळतच नाही. तो तिला विचारतो, 'अगं राणी, भडकायला काय झालं एवढं?'' तेव्हा तिचं उत्तर काय, तर, ''तुला नाही ना कळलं, मग मी तुला सांगणारच नाही!!!!''

काही कुयोग

तुम्ही धावतपळत लवकर स्टेशनला पोहोचलात...

तर ट्रेन लेट असते...

स्टेशनला उशिरा पोहोचलात...

तर ट्रेन आणखी लेट असते!!!!

* तुमच्याकडे पेन असेल, तर कागद नसतो.

कागद असेल, तर पेन नसते.

दोन्ही असतील, तर लिहून घेण्यासारखे काहीच नसते!!!

* तुम्ही जेव्हा रोमिंगमध्ये असता...

तेव्हाच तुमच्या मोबाइलवर सर्वात जास्त राँग नंबर येतात!!!

* वारा कोणत्याही दिशेने वाहात असला, तरी सिगारेटचा धूर ती न ओढणाऱ्याच्या दिशेनेच वाहतो!!!

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रोडसाइड रोमियो : जानेमन, ये, माझ्या हृदयात वस्तीला ये!

फाकडू पोरगी (भडकून) : सँडल काढू का?

रो. रो. : हत् वेडी! हे काय मंदिर आहे का? तशीच ये!!!!

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संताला गाढवाने लाथ मारली.

तो गाढवाला पकडण्यासाठी धावला.

गाढव गुंगारा देऊन गेले. वाटेत संताला झेब्रा दिसला. संताने त्याला मारायला सुरुवात केली आणि म्हणाला, ''साल्या, ट्रॅकसूट घालून गंडवतोस काय?''

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

हसा

बंडू बावळे सुखनिदेत निमग्न होता. अचानक बिछान्यावर प्रकाश पसरल्यानं दचकून तो जागा झाला. पाहतो तो रेड्यावर स्वार झालेले यमराज बेडरूममध्ये उभे. भयानं त्याची बोबडीच वळली. प्रसन्न हसून यमराज म्हणाले, ''घाबरू नकोस बंडू. मी तुला गुड न्यूज द्यायला आलो आहे. आणखी २० वषेर् तू ठणठणीत राहणार आहेस. मृत्यू तुझ्या केसालाही स्पर्श करणार नाही. अरे झोपलायस काय इथे? जा, बाहेर जा. मजा कर. ही आनंदाची बातमी मस्तपैकी सेलिब्रेट कर.''
यमराज अदृश्य झाले. बंडूनं तात्काळ कपडे बदलून बाहेर धाव घेतली. आनंदानं वेडा होऊन तो रस्त्यातून नाचतच चालला असताना एक ट्रक सुसाट वेगानं आला आणि बंडूला चिरडून गेला... ...
स्वर्गनरकाच्या प्रवेशद्वारावर यमराजाशी गाठ पडताच बंडूनं कळवळून विचारलं, ''का खोटं बोललात माझ्याशी? का?''
यमराज ओशाळून म्हणाले, ''सॉरी यार! मंथ एन्डचं प्रेशर असतं... काही करून टागेर्ट पूर्ण करायचं असतं!!!!''


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एन्जॉय एसेमेसिंग

ते पाणीदार डोळे...
तो देखणा चेहरा...
ते प्रसन्न हास्य...
तो चालण्याचा उत्साही झपाटा...
ते आनंदी, सुहास्यवदन संभाषण...
ते चुंबकाप्रमाणे आकषिर्त करून घेणारं व्यक्तिमत्त्व...
... मी अजूनही तसाच आहे...
तू कसा आहेस?!!!
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एका विद्यार्थ्याने एका वेळी एका परीक्षेचा एक पेपर देण्यासाठी जेवढा कागद वापरला जातो, तेवढा तयार करण्यासाठी दोन झाडांचा बळी जातो...
... झाडे वाचवण्याच्या सत्कार्यात सहभागी व्हा...
... चांगले विद्यार्थी बना आणि परीक्षांवर बहिष्कार घाला!!!
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एक मग दुसऱ्या मगाला भेटला
तेव्हा काय म्हणाला?
काय मग, कसं काय?!!!

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अहो, ऐकलंत का?
लग्नंतर बायका (आपापल्या) नवऱ्यांना कशा हाका मारतात, त्यांत कसा बदल होत जातो, पाहा!
पहिले वर्ष : अहो!
दुसरे वर्ष : अहो, ऐकलंत का?
तिसरे वर्ष : अहो, बंटीचे बाबा! चौथे वर्ष : अहो, बहिरे झालात काय?
पाचवे वर्ष : कान फुटलेत की काय तुमचे?
सहावे वर्ष : इकडे येताय की मी येऊ तिकडे?
सातवे वर्ष : कुठे उलथलाय हा माणूस देव जाणे!
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वो कौन सी घडी थी
जब आप पैदा हुए
टायमेक्स
रोलेक्स
टायटन
एचएमटी
क्वार्ट्झ
या कोई और?...
जल्दी जवाब दो
कंपनी बंद करनी है
ता कि ऐसा हादसा दुबारा ना हो!!!!

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आयुष्याने उभ्या केलेल्या प्रश्ानंची काही उत्तरे सापडली आहेत, या विचाराने
जेव्हा तुम्हाला हायसे वाटते...
तेव्हाच नेमके आयुष्य प्रश्ान् बदलते.

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प्र. : पुण्याच्या हॉटेलात हाफ चिकन मागवल्यावर ते यायला खूप वेळ का लागतो?
उ. : कारण, हॉटेलवाले हाफ चिकनची दुसरी ऑर्डर आल्याशिवाय कोंबडीला हातच लावत नाहीत!!!!
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एका देवदूतानं एकदा देवाला विचारलं, ''तुझ्या लाडक्या मनुष्यजातीच्या कोणत्या वृत्तीबद्दल तुला सर्वात जास्त आश्चर्य वाटतं?''
देव म्हणाला, ''अरे ही माणसं तारुण्यात पैसा कमावण्यासाठी स्वत:चं आरोग्य गमावतात आणि वार्धक्यात आरोग्य राखण्यासाठी पैसा गमावतात!!!!''
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'' बाबा बाबा, तुमच्यामुळे माझं लग्न होत नाहीये,'' खट्टू झालेला रितेश विलासरावांना संतापून म्हणाला. '' माझ्यामुळे? ते कसं काय?'' विलासरावांनी विचारलं. रितेश म्हणाला, ''अहो तुमच्याच पक्षानं सगळ्या राज्यभर बोर्ड लावलेत ना- 'विलासराव को बहुमत दो... बहु मत दो'!!!
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विन्या प्रधान एक्स्प्रेसवेवरून सुसाट कार चालवत होता. 'वाँव वाँव वाँव' करत मागून आलेल्या पोलिसाने विन्याला अडवला. ''ऐंशी किलोमीटरची स्पीड लिमिट आहे आणि तुम्ही १२०च्या स्पीडनी गाडी हाणताय? चला, लायसन काढा.'' \

विन्या म्हणाला, ''लायसन्स नाहीये माझ्याकडे. पोलिसांनीच जप्त केलंय काल. एका सायकलवाल्याला उडवला म्हणून.'' ''

भले शाब्बास! गाडीची कागदपत्रं आहेत का?'' ''

आहेत ना आहेत. या साइडच्या कप्प्यातच आहेत. माझी गन आहे ना तिच्याखाली. पण, गनला हात लावू नका. नाहीतर तुमच्या बोटांचे ठसे उमटतील तिच्यावर आणि गोत्यात याल.''

पोलिस जरासा चपापला. ''गननी काय खूनबिन केलात की काय?'' ''

खून करायची इच्छा नव्हती हवालदारसाहेब माझी! पण, त्या बाईनं फारच झटापट केली. मग घातली गोळी तिला. मागे डिक्कीत पडलीये तिची डेड बॉडी!''

पोलिसानं गाडीची चावी काढून घेतली. वायरलेसवरून वरिष्ठांना संदेश पाठवला. व्हॅन आली. इन्स्पेक्टरसाहेबांनी विन्याला विचारलं, ''तुमच्याकडे गन आहे?'' ''

छ्या हो! माझ्यासारख्या माणसाकडे गन असेल, असं वाटतं तुम्हाला?''

साहेबानं कप्पा चेक केला. त्यात गन नव्हती. साहेब म्हणाले, ''लायसन्स बघू.''

विन्यानं तात्काळ लायसन्स आणि गाडीची कागदपत्रं काढून दाखवली.

बुचकळ्यात पडलेल्या साहेबानं डिकी उघडायला लावली. ती रिकामी. साहेब म्हणाले, ''कमाल आहे! आमचा हवालदार तर म्हणत होता की तुमच्याकडे लायसन्स नाही, गन आहे, तुम्ही एक खून केलाय, बॉडी गाडीतच आहे म्हणून!'' ''

माय गॉड!'' विन्या चित्कारला, ''आणि त्याचा असाही दावा असणार की, मी गाडी फार फास्ट चालवत होतो म्हणून त्यानं मला थांबवलं!!!!''
*************************************************************************************

टीचरनी वर्गात प्रश्ान् विचारला, ''पाच जलचरांची नावं सांगा.''
बाळ संता उत्तरला, ''फिश...'' ''
आणि इतर चार जलचर?...'' ''
फिश दा पुत्तर, फिश दी कुडी, फिश दा प्रा और फिश दी माँ!!!!''
************************************************************************************
साधूवेशातील रावण : माई भिक्षा दे!
पर्णकुटीतली स्त्री : साधू महाराज, ही घ्या भिक्षा!
रावण : माई, या रेषेच्या थोडं पुढे येऊन वाढ. मी जाम थकलोय.
(स्त्री पुढे येताच तिला उचलून घेतो आणि विकट हास्य करतो) हा हा हा, मी साधू नाही, रावण आहे.
स्त्री (तेवढेच विकट हसून) : हा हा हा! मीही सीता नाही, कामवाली आहे!!!!
************************************************************************************
थारो मेसेज आवे है
म्हारो रोम रोम मचल जावे है
अंग अंग में गुदगुदी होवे है
यो थारो एसेमेस को इफेक्ट को नी
सालो म्हारो मोबाइल व्हायब्रेसन पे होवे है!!!!
************************************************************************************
एन्जॉय एसेमेसिंग तुला माझा एसएमएस आवडला...
म्हणजे मी स्मार्ट आहे
तू माझा एसएमएस सेव्ह केलास...
तर तू हे मान्य करतोस की मी स्मार्ट आहे...
तू माझा एसएमएस फॉरवर्ड केलास...
तर तू याच सत्याचा प्रसार करतोस
तू माझा एसएमएस डिलिट केलास...
तर तू माझ्यावर जळतोस
कारण मी स्मार्ट आहे!!!!
ड्ढ ड्ढ ड्ढ ड्ढ ड्ढ
***********************************************************************************
बाबा : पोरी, मोठी झाल्यावर तू काय करणार आहेस?
मुलगी : काही नाही. आई बनेन, शिक्षण घेईन, लग्न करीन. आणखी काय करणार?
बाबा : योजना चांगल्या आहेत तुझ्या बेटा. फक्त जे काही करशील ते योग्य क्रमाने कर, म्हणजे झालं!!!
*************************************************************************************

Tuesday, February 6, 2007

Thursday, February 1, 2007

want to laugh

1) Teacher tells a student a=b, b=c & a=c tell me
the example.
Student: I love u - u love your daughter - so I love
your daughter.



2) Three fastest means of communication
telephone - television - tell A women



3) Its funny when people discuss over "love
marriage" and "arrange
marriage"
It is like asking a person if he would like to "hang
himself" or "shoot
himself".

4) What is a girl friend?
Addition of problems - subraction of money -
multiplication of enemies -
division of friends.



5) A married man was asked to perform his
SWOT(Strength, Weakness,
Opportunity, Threat) Analysis.
He said, my strength is my wife.
My weakness is my neighbour's wife.
Opportunity comes when neighbour goes out.
Threat comes when I myself go out.

Doctor and Man

Once a man went to a Veterinary (Animal) Doctor and said: Doctor I came on vacation so that I can get treated.

Doctor: I think you should go to the Doctor opposite to my clinic

Man: No, I am coming to you.

Doctor: But, I am a Veterinary Doctor. I am an animal specialist.

Man: I know, but I want you to treat me.

Doctor: I cannot, because you speak like me and think like me which means you are a human, not an animal.

Man: I know I am same and I am a human but the problem is
I get up in the morning like a horse
I go to work like a deer
I work all day like a donkey
I wag my tail in front of my manager like a dog
I play with my children like a monkey
I am like a rabbit in front of my wife

Doctor asked: Do you work in Software Company

Man: Yes

Doctor yelled: Come Dear, no body will treat you better than me.

Don as a Software Professional!!

Imagine, If DON would be a Software Professional.....

Don ka intazar to 11 companies ke HR kar rahe hai.... par EK baat samaj

lo DON ko retain karna muskil hi nahi namumkin hai.....

Kisi bhi company ki diware itni majboot nahi jo DON ko retain kar


sake....

DON ko 2 type ki companies bilkul pasand nahin

EK jo Recruit karne main bhaut der kare

Aur Doosri wo jo Fauran(Immediate) Recruit kar le.

And this is ultimate

DON ke PM ki sabse badi galti ye hai .. ki woh DON ka PM hai...

Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Me and my Boss

M E and MY BOSS


When I Take a long time to finish,
I am slow,
When my boss takes a long time,
he is thorough




When I don't do it,
I am lazy,
When my boss does not do it,
he is busy,



When I do something without being told,
I am trying to be smart,
When my boss does the same,
he takes the initiative,



When I please my boss,
I am apple polishing,
When my boss pleases his boss,
He is cooperating ,



When I make a mistake,
I' am an idiot.
When my boss makes a mistake,
He's only human.



When I am out of the office,
I am a vagabond.
When my boss is out of the office,
He's on business.



When I am on a day off sick,
I am always sick.
When my boss is a day off sick,
He must be very ill.



When I apply for leave,
I must be going for an interview .
When my boss applies for leave,
it's because he's overworked



When I do good,
my boss never remembers,
When I do wrong,
he never forget s

Customer Support for u .........!!!!

Ever thought how complicated or funny the " Customer Support " in Computer field ????
Well, Check this out...

**** AND YOU THOUGHT BPO JOB IS EASY !!!! ??? ****
This ought to make you feel better about your computer skills! If you skip any, you have to read the last one! Unbelievable, but supposedly all true!!!!
=================================



Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?

Female customer: A white one...



===============



Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.
Tech support: Have you tried pushing the Button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.
Customer: No , wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... sorry....


===============


Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?


===============


Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello... I can't print.
Tech support: Would you click on "start" for me and...
Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates.


===============


Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...


============== =


Customer: I have problems printing in red...
Tech support: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: Aaaah....................thank you.


===============


Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at the 7-11.


===============


Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer:! OK
Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes
Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work...


===============


Tech support: Your password is the small letter "a" as in apple, a capital letter V as n Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters ?


== =============


Customer: can't get on the Internet.
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.


===============


Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.


===============


Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.


===============


Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?


===============


A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
Tech support: Are you running it under windows?
Customer: "No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine."


===============


And last but not least...

Tech support: "Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager."
Customer: I don't have a P.
Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: What do you mean?
Tech support: "P".....on your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT

Thursday, January 25, 2007

Some Timepass

Girl : Do you love me?
Boy : Yes Dear.
Girl : Would you die for me?
Boy : No, mine is undying love.
-------------------------------------------
Customer : Waiter, do you serve pigs?
Waiter : Please sit down sir, we serve everyone.
-------------------------------------------
Customer : Waiter, is this a lamb chop or pork chop?
Waiter : Can't you tell the difference by taste?
Customer : No, I can't.
Waiter : Then does it really matter?
------------------------------------------
Customer : Waiter, there's a dead beetle in my soup.
Waiter : Yes sir, they are not very good swimmers.
-------------------------------------------
Customer : Waiter, there's a fly in my soup.
Waiter : That's all right sir, he won't drink much.
--------------------------------------------
Customer : Waiter, there's a fly swimming in my soup.
Waiter : So what do you expect me to do, call a lifeguard?
-----------------------------------------------
Customer : Waiter, what's the meaning of this fly in my tea up?
Waiter : I wouldn't know sir, I'm a waiter, not a fortune teller.
-----------------------------------------------
Customer : Waiter, this soup tastes funny.
Waiter : Funny? But then why aren't you laughing?
----------------------------------------------
Lady : Is this my train?
Station Master : No, it belongs to the Railway Company.
Lady : Don't try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take
this train to New Delhi.
Station Master : No Madam, I'm afraid it's too heavy.
-----------------------------------------------
Teacher : Peter, why are you late for school again?
Peter : Well, Miss, I dreamed that I was playing football and
the game went into extra time.
----------------------------------------
Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
Wife : Yes and no.
----------------------------------------------
A drunkard was brought to court. Just before the trial there was a
commotion in the gallery.
The judge pounded the gravel on his table and shouted, "Order, order."
The drunkard immediately responded, "Thank you, your honor, I'll have
a scotch and soda."
---------------------------------------------
Customer : If I post this letter tonight, will it get to Delhi in
two days time?
Post Master : Yes sir, it definitely will.
Customer : I bet you, it won't.
Post Master : Why not?
Customer : It's addressed to Mumbai.
------------------------------------------------
An absent-minded man went to see a psychiatrist.
'My trouble is,' he said, 'that I keep forgetting things.'
'How long has this been going on?' asked the psychiatrist.
'How long has what been going on?' said the man.
-------------------------------------------
1st thief : Oh ! The police is here. Quick! Jump out of the window!
2nd thief : But this is the 13th floor.
1st thief : Hurry! this is no time for superstitions.
-------------------------------------------
Man : How old is your father?
Boy : As old as me.
Man : How can that be?
Boy : He became a father only when I was born.

Really good one. J
---------------------------------------------
Teacher : Correct the sentence, "A bull and a cow is grazing in the
field"
Student : A cow and a bull is grazing in the field
Teacher : How?
Student : Ladies first.
------------------------------------------------
Waiter : I've stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog's leg.
Customer : Don't tell me your problems. Give the menu card.

Thursday, January 18, 2007

Sardar

1 A Teacher lecturing on population - In India after
Every 10 sec a
woman gives birth to a kid.
A Sardar stands up- we must find & stop her!.

2 Sardar-why r all these people running?
Man- This is a race, the winner will get the cup.
Sardar-If only the winner will get the cup, why r
others running?

3 Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence
into future tense.
Sardar: The future tense is "u will go to jail".

4 Sardarji was filling up application form for a job. He was
not sure as to what to be filled in column "Salary
Expected".
After much thought he wrote: Yes!

5 Sardar told his servant: Go and water the plants. Servant
it's already raining. Sardar: So what? Take an
umbrella and go.

6 Sardar wins 20 cr from Rs. 20 lottery ticket. Dealer
gave 11cr after
deducting tax. Angry Sardar: "Give me 20 cr or else
return my 20 Rs
back.

7 Postman:- I Have To Come 5 Miles To Deliver U This Packet
Sardar:- why did u come so far. Instead u could have
posted it....

8 Sardar's wish :when i die,i wana die like my grandpa who died
peacefully in his sleep not screaming like all the
passengers in the
car he was driving..

9 Sardar at an Art Gallery: I suppose this horrible
looking thing is
what you call modern art ?
Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, thats a mirror!

10 Sardar was writing something very slowly.
Friend asked:" Why r u writing so slowly?
Sardar: "I'm writing to my 6 yr old son, he can't read very fast.

11 Flash news: A 2 seater plane crashed in a graveyard in punjab . Local
sardars have so far found 500 bodies and are still
digging for more..

12 A man asked sardarji, why Manmohan singh goes walking at evening not
in the morning. Sardarji replied "Arey bhai Manmohan is PM not AM".

13 Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Darling : When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the
problem disappears.
Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Darling : Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem Can there be
greater than this one?

14 Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles
and lighten your burden.
Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, But I don't have any worries or
troubles.
Girl: Well that is because we aren't married yet.

15 Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to
give up my seat to a lady.
Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.

Who said that Sardars are fools??? NO NEED OF SAYING.......


80,000 sardars meet in the gurunanak stadium, for a
"Sardars Are Not Stupid" Convention.



The leader says,
"We are all here today to prove to the world that Sardars are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?"


A sardar gingerly works his way through the crowd and steps up to the stage. The leader asks him, "What is 15 plus 15?"


After 15 or 20 seconds he says, "Eighteen!"


Obviously everyone is a little disappointed.


Then 80,000 sardars start cheering, "Give him another chance! Give him another chance!"


The leader says, "Well since we've gone to the trouble of getting
80,000 Of you in one place and we have the worldwide press and global broadcast media here, uh, I guess we can give him another chance."


So he asks, "What is 5 plus 5?"


After nearly 30 seconds he eventually Says, "Ninety?"


The leader is quite perplexed, looks down and just lets out a dejected
Sigh - everyone is disheartened, the sardar starts crying and the
80,000 sardars begin to yell and wave their hands shouting,


"GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE!"


The leader, unsure whether or not he is doing more ha than damage,
eventually says, "Ok! Ok! Just one more chance What is 2 plus 2?"


The surd closes his eyes, and after a whole minute eventually says, "Four?"


Throughout the stadium pandemonium breaks out as all 80,000 surdies jump To their feet, wave their arms, stomp their feet and scream...


............ ......... ......... ......... .......


............ ......... ......... ........


............ ......... ......... ..


............ ......... .....


............ ........


............ ....


............ ..


............


..........


........


....


..


.



"GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE"

joke


LalooYadav's car is driving along a backcountry road on the way back to Patna, when all of a sudden a piglet jumps out in front of the car...
The piglet dies on the spot. Laloo, upset, tells the chauffeur to go find the owner of the piglet so that he can pay the damages...
The driver is gone for two hours and when he comes back, he has a bag full of money, and a wondering look on his face. Laloo wants to know what happened. The driver tells him "Hum jab gaanv me pahuncha to dekha kuchh log ped ke niche baithe hain. Jub hum unko bataya ki kya hua hai,tab sare log jama ho gaye. Humko laga ki aaj to hamari pitayee hogee.Par hum dekha ki sare log paisa jama kar rahe hain. Hum socha ki ye sara paisa wo janvar ke malik ke liye hai. Par un logo ne saara paisa hamein de diya, aur kaha "bahut achchha kaam kiya hai re bhaiya"
Laloo says "Sasoor ka natee, Theek theek bata. Tu unko kya bola tha? " The driver replies "Hum kaha ki hum Laloo Yadav ka driver hoon aur hum us sooar ka bachcha ko maar diya hoon"

Monday, January 8, 2007

Stupid questions and intelligent answers

1. At the movies: When you meet acquaintances/friends...
Stupid Question:-
Hey, what are you doing here?
Answer:-
Dont u know, I sell tickets in black over here..


2. In the bus: A heavy lady wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps on your feet...
Stupid Question:-
Sorry, did that hurt?
Answer:-
No, not at all, I'm on local anesthesia.....why don't you try again.


3. At a funeral: One of the teary-eyed people ask...
Stupid Question:-
Why, why him, of all people.
Answer:-
Why? Would it rather have been you?


4. At a restaurant: When you ask the waiter
Stupid Question:-
Is ! the "Butter Paneer Masala" dish good??
Answer:-
No, its terrible and made of adulterated cement. We occassionaly also spit in it.


5. At a family get-together: When some distant aunt meets you after years...
Stupid Question:-
Munna, Chickoo, you've become so big.
Answer:-
Well you haven't particularly shrunk yourself.


6. When a friend announces her wedding, and you ask...
Stupid Question:-
Is the guy you're marrying good?
Answer:-
No,he's a miserable wife-beating , insensitive lout...it's just the money.


7. When you get woken up at midnight by a phone call...
Stupid Question:-
Sorry. were you sleeping?
Answer:-
No. I was doing research on whether the Zulu tribes in Africa marry or not. You thought I was sleeping....you dumb witted moron.


8. When you see a friend/colleague with evidently shorter hair...
Stupid Question:-
Hey have you had a haircut?
Answer:-
No, its autumn and I'm shedding......


9. At the dentist when he's sticking pointed objects in your mouth...
Stupid Question:-
Tell me if it hurts?
Answer:-
No it wont. It will just bleed.


10. You are smoking a cigarette and a cute woman asks...
Stupid Question:-
Oh, so you smoke.
Answer:-
Gosh, it's a miracle .......it was a piece of chalk and now it's in flames!!!

Sardar Jokes

-
sardar - is mirror ki kya guarantee hai?
shopkeeper - aap ise 100 floor se neeche feko, yeh 99 floor tak nahi tutega.
sardar - wow, pack it.


A newly passed sardar doctor
after finishing the first operation
of his carrer bent on his knees,
looked towards the sky and said,
.
.
.
.
..
.
.
.
..
.
.
..
.
.
hey kaali maa, meri
pehli bhet sweekar karo.




santa - kal dad kuwein mein gir gaye,
bahut chot lagi, kafi chilla rahe the.
banta - ab kaise hai?
santa - thik hi hoge, kal raat se kuwein
mein se koi awaaz nahi aayi.





sardar bar mein ro raha tha.
bar owner ne pucha,
kya hua paaji, kyu ro rahe ho?
sardar - oye, kya karu yaar, main
jis ladki kaa naam bhulna chahta tha
uska naam yaad nahi aa raha.





American - our dogs find Bombs
.
.
.
.
Japanese - Our fish plays Football
.
.
.
..
sardar - yeh toh kuch bhi nahi hai,
hamare toh gadhe bhi padh lete hai.





wife - suna hai, swarg mein pati-patni
ko saath mein nahi rehne dete.
husband - are pagli, tabhi toh use swarg kehte hai.





sardar in market with a parrot on his shoulder.
friend asks - kaha se liya yeh jaanwar?



parrot replies - punjab se..


try
to
understand,
and
don't
disturb
me.
leave
me
alone.
last
night
i
didn't
sleep
just
thinking
of
u.
so
don't
play
with
my
life.
.
.
.
.
..
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
sardar
telling
to
a
mosquito.






sardar travelling from delhi to bombay, for the first time in flight
when the plane landed, he shouted Bombay..., Bombay...
air hostess - sshhhh...., be silent.
sardar - achcha, Ombay...., Ombay.

A SOFT Prayer !!!

Oh God Almighty!!
May my password get accepted
And my explorer get connected

Help me upload my data forever
Not let a hanged out server

Keep my floppies working in their drive
Give me place to back up hard drive

Help send my emails faster
Shield me from virus disaster

Scan my folders without fail
And filter out all junk mail

Give my entire download a surge
Stop my files From getting the purge

Help me find more bugs
Help giving orders for debugs

Keep my client working
And stop my boss barking

Keep my processor fit n fine
Allow it to always work overtime

May i always get access
And my products get great success

Brain Teasers

1. What is the easiest way to throw a ball, have it stop, and completely reverse direction after traveling a short distance?
Ans. Scroll Down for answer

2. What is at the beginning of eternity, the end of time, the beginning of every end, and the end of every place?
Ans. Scroll Down for answer

3. When things go wrong, what can you always count on?
Ans. Scroll Down for answer

4. What is always behind you but you can never touch it?
Ans. Scroll Down for answer

5. I am never the first to speak but I am always the last to be heard. Who am I?
Ans. Scroll Down for answer

6. We were born of the same mother, on the same day, at the same hour and in the same year. Yet we are not twins. How do you explain this?
Ans. Scroll Down for answer

7. Two fathers and two sons were seated round a table. There were four apples on the table. Each of them took one apple and ate it entirely yet there was still one apple left on the table. How was this possible?
Ans. Scroll Down for answer

8. Before Mount Everest was discovered which was the highest mountain in the world?
Ans. Scroll Down for answer

9. Here everything is not always in order. For example, Friday comes before Thursday, the cart comes before the horse, the driver comes before the employer. Where are we?
Ans. Scroll Down for answer

10. When I am alive I stay put where I am. It is only when I am dead that I move about here and there. Who am I?
Ans. Scroll Down for answer

11. How can you be behind a person when that person is also behind you?
Ans. Scroll Down for answer
*
*
*
*
Answers:

1. Throw the ball straight up

2. 'e'

3. Your fingers

4. The past

5. An echo.

6. They are triplets.

7. There were only three persons at the table comprising a grandfather, his son and his grandson.

8. Mount Everest, of course. It was always there!

9. In a dictionary.

10. A leaf.

11. Put yourself back to back of each other.

Om Jai Google Hare --- parady of Om Jai Jagdish Hare

Om Jai Google Hare !! Swami Om Jai Google hare

Programmer's ke sankat, Developers ke Sankat,
Click main door kare!! Om Jai Google Hare !!!

Jo Dhyawe vo pawe, dukh bin se man ka, Swami dukh bin se man ka,
Homepage ki sampatti lawe, Homework ki sampatti karave kasht mite work ka,
Swami Om Jai Google Hare !!!

Tum puran search engine, Tum hi internet yaami,
Swami Tum hi internet yaami, Paar karo hamari Salari,
Paar karo hamari apprisal, Tum dunia ke swami,
Swami Om Jai Google Hare !!!

Tum information ke saagar, Tum palan karta,
swami Tum palan karta, Main moorakh khalkamii,
Main Searcher tum Server-ami Tum karta dhartaa !!
Swami Om Jai Google Hare !!!

Din bandhu dukh harta, tum rakshak mere,
Swami tum thakur mere, Apni search dikhaao,
sare research karao Site par khada mei
Swami Om Jai Google Hare !!!

Bolo Google Bhagwan ki jai!!

Couldn't quote a single as so many were good...

Customer : Waiter, do you serve pigs?
Waiter : Please sit down sir, we serve everyone.


Lady : Is this my train? Station
Master : No, it belongs to the Railway Company.
Lady : Don't try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take this train to New Delhi. Station Master : No Madam, I'm afraid it's too heavy.


Customer : How much is the rate of banana?
Salesman : 1 rupee.
Cus : 60 paisekku varadha??
Sal : 60 paisekku thol than varum.
Cus : Intha 40 paisea. Thola vachukittu palatha kudu

Thursday, January 4, 2007

Hey Krishna

Hey Krishna tu is kalyug mein aa kar to dikha..

Tune 18 saal ki umar me mama kans ko mara,
BIN LADEN ko hath laga kar to dikha..

Tune Arjun ko to Saari Geeta sunayee,
Mere Project Manager se ek baar baat kar ke to dikha. .
Tune to Arjun ka Sarathi banke Pandavon ko jitaaya
Indian Cricket team ka Coach ban ke WorldCup jitaake to dikha..

Hey Krishna tu is kalyug mein aa kar to dikha..

Tune bhari mehfil mein draupadi ko saree pehnai,
Mallika sherawat ko ek jodi kapde pehna ke to dikha..

Tune gokul ki 1600 gopiyan patai,
Meri company ki sirf ek ladki ko pata kar to dikha.

Nice Joke

A man sees a woman getting chased by a dog.
When the dog is about to bite the woman,
the man intervenes and kicks the dog.
A reporter was seeing all this.
He said "That was great. I'll definitely publish this in newspaper.
Tomorrow the headline will be 'LOCAL HERO SAVES LADY FROM A DOG'."
The man replied "Thank you, but I'm not from here. I am from US".
Reporter " OK.
Then the headline will be US CITIZEN SAVES WOMAN FROM A
DOG".
Man: Actually, I live in US but I'm not a US citizen. I'm a Pakistani
national".
Next day, the headline in the paper read ....
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TERRORIST ATTACKS A LOCAL DOG....